“Everything I touch may disintegrate into dust/Everything I trust may dishonour me in disgust” – Kendrick Lamar (Holy Key)
Most of the things you’re bothered by right now might not matter in a year – money in the bank, a spouse, a stalling career, your family – not because they weren’t important in the first place, but because time has a way of reordering things.
At every point of our lives we want to be in total control of everything happening to us, so, the absence of a spouse when you are lonely or a career stalling after putting so much time and effort into it makes you feel helpless.
No adult likes to feel vulnerable. One of the reasons people have a hard time falling in love.
Vulnerability and helplessness reminds us of a time in our lives when we were children and had to depend entirely on our parents for even things as simple as feeding ourselves.
And so we build buffers. Buffers for security – financial, mental, emotional et al.
But the uncertainty of life means those buffers might fail someday.
Knowing this, the anxiety goes from an inability to build these buffers (or build them quickly enough) to the ability of these buffers to hold when things go awry.
Worry becomes an endless cycle.
And this eventually spills over into your decisions, affecting everything it comes into contact with.
Do you need my advice?
Two sets of advice actually.
Hold on. Let go.
Holding on is a reminder that you should have an unshakable belief in yourself and in your abilities. A reminder that it gets better eventually.
Letting go is a reminder that you can only do so much. A reminder that there are a thousand other things beyond your sphere of control, and just letting the universe do its magic.
And you’ll find peace of mind from focusing on the things you can directly control.
True freedom comes with control. True control depends on knowing what to hold on to and what to let go. Because holding on to what you should let go is you simply creating unnecessary battle scenarios in your life.
The worst battles have to be the ones you intentionally or unintentionally create in your head. Saps all your energy, keeps you anxious, drains you mentally and physically and eventually weighs you down completely.
Better to be focused on what’s in front of you. A better use of your time and energy.
Your life doesn’t have to be in overdrive all the time. It pays to take your foot off the gas sometimes.
That is true control.