“Way back in the beginning, me and Jesse Jagz was just dreaming of winning, but 3 years later it’s True Religion denim/All because of the lyrical venom that I’m sending/Now we headline the Expo Center, I guess that means my graph is exponential” – M.I (Multiply Remix)

2020 has been a great year for me.

It’s so beautiful when you get the feeling that everything you’ve been working on whether consciously or unconsciously is finally culminating into something really amazing.

Even though sometimes it feels downright frustrating because you know you’re on the cusp of something great – you can feel it deep in your soul – and yet one way or another you end up hitting a wall.

There’s a certain wholeness that I don’t even understand sometimes, but I don’t care… I love it.

For everything this year has given to me and more, I’m utterly grateful. The next few months will definitely be an unpacking of more gifts.

Ase!!!!

“Cole under pressure, what that make? Diamonds” — J. Cole (Return Of Simba)

People seem to run away when they hear this word.

Even those who add ‘can work under pressure’ to their CVs do it because it’s a good look. Not because they truly can or would.

There’s almost no one who likes or loves to work under pressure.

Yet, they are people who seem to flourish and thrive under immense pressure.

I was scrolling through Twitter earlier today and then I stumbled on a thread asking about the best guest verses on Kanye West’s My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. Most people had their money on Rick Ross on Devil In A New Dress.

I remember an interview he did years ago where he said he was contacted to do that verse a day before the album was to be submitted.

Crazy!!!!!

It was his best verse that year, and undoubtedly one of his greatest ever.

I wrote my best ad yet this past week after my mentor saw a prior ad I wrote and told me it was good, but I could do better.

I felt I had poured so much into the first ad. The mental toll clearly showed on my face even. But I’m glad my mentor has always been kind enough to lead me by hand while also pushing me to be better.

And I’m grateful for the people in my life who push me to be better, and I know not everyone has this. But in the absence of people, you could use circumstances to motivate you to climb up to a higher level.

Most of us never had it easy.

When you look back in hindsight, some of your greatest breakthroughs came from moments of intense pressure.

Although there’s good and bad pressure, of course. And avoiding the bad is super good for you and your health.

Was on a call with my cousin Frank early this week and he was talking about how struggles and pressures we had to face at an early age shaped us and gave us stronger mentalities and personalities.

Low key, I wish we had it easier and didn’t have to go through so much. But we did. And it never dimmed our lights. Only made it shine stronger.

Every day, I wish it could be easier, but then life gets better even as it gets harder. So, why should I complain?

Life is a series of challenges, and so I just have to keep looking for tools and techniques and resources and people to build a better life for myself and my loved ones. So, if we can, we at least stay ahead of the curve.

And yes, I think we should all learn to appreciate people and circumstances that push us to reach the best version of ourselves.

These circumstances and moments might not look sexy. We might even feel the people are asking for too much.

But the truth is, if it doesn’t kill you, it definitely makes you stronger and/or wiser.

“Like all the drugs are girls (white girl) Mary, Molly” – Ab-Soul (God’s A Girl)

Women are natural muses.

Some of the greatest works of art, powerful pieces of ad copy and taglines have been directly inspired by direct/indirect contact with a woman.

Whether it’s sex or beauty and elegance or a mother’s sacrifice or spousal love or friendship or grief and heartbreak or pain and suffering or loss.

If you are a creative, the women you come in contact with in your life whether through stories or circumstances are a treasure trove of inspiration.

Pay attention.

“Whatever’s in me, it’s takin’ over
I gotta bust it down, break it open
Until somebody starts takin’ notice, then we rollin'” – Drake (Deep Pockets)

I feel like I’m on the cusp of something life-changing.

Of course, I hate to sound fantastical but isn’t this exactly how magnum opuses are made?

Though I’ve heard that some really remarkable stuff come from the mundane.

Not like greatness always uses a P.A system to announce itself to the world.

So, should I discount this feeling?

Shouldn’t I be happy I’m in my element?

Am I really?

I feel so in touch with many aspects and sides of me at this point in time.

There are still niggling doubts that routinely pop up like a blown-out knee. Shouldn’t that be expected?

But then, one way or another, there’s a part of me that feels unstoppable.

I think it was my brush with death or maybe a post that I saw about writing only in reference to truth, life and love.

I feel something different.

I have no idea what it is.

But I feel something coming.

“It’s a beautiful day, unlike yesterday/It will be better tomorrow than it is today/So, forget your worries, let us play/And we can party all night and have fun/Till everybody goes la la la la la la la la la” – Emeka (Beautiful Day)

I almost died this week.

The plumbing broke and leaked water into walls and it got in contact with the electrical wiring in my apartment.

I almost got electrocuted in the bathroom.

I saw my life flash right before my eyes.

I also got some of my brightest ideas ever this week. After the near-death experience actually.

The irony.

So, just like everyone else that has gone before me, I could have died with all these ideas inside of me.

The reality is humbling.

I’ve been thoroughly stressed by the lawyer managing my apartment.

I’ve barely slept.

I have a backlog of work that I haven’t been able to finish because I’ve been traumatised.

And then, my favourite team lost a cup final under the most bizarre circumstances.

I emptied my Shazam library.

I took a boat ride.

Two boat rides actually.

And then went to a party with friends.

I can’t even complain.

This week was a kind reminder that:

Life is crazy.

Life is beautiful.

Life is ugly.

Lots of ups.

Lots of downs.

Lots of highs.

Lots of lows.

Sometimes there’s order.

Sometimes there’s chaos.

Just like everything in nature.

And no matter how long you live, life is short.

The best you can do is give everything of yourself at every moment in time.

Everything of the very best of your time, money, love, energy and attention.

The very best of the highest form of yourself.

Every single second is so damn important and shouldn’t be wasted.

Never forget.

Plus, be grateful for everything.

Everything plus what’s in between is what makes life beautiful.

“That’s the juice, baby/Yo, I’m feeling the juice in my mouth” – Marc Rebillet (Work That Ass For Daddy)

The curse of confidence is that lots of intelligent, talented and evidently qualified people don’t have it, and instead wallow in doubt. It’s usually the dumb ones that have it in spades.

I guess that’s the beauty of the universe. An uneven distribution of everything.

But who writes these rules?

While the rest of the world is overdosing on low self-esteem, having supreme and total confidece in yourself (what I call supreme shithousery) is an unshakable belief in yourself and your abilities, especially in uncertain times.

Confidence is not in possessions or looks or sheer brilliance. Beauty like talent is as common as table salt.

It’s acknowledging your doubts, not as barriers to your greatness and excellence, but as buffers to remind you of your human infallibility.

Everyone has doubts, but yours don’t make you. Because you’re the fucking prize!

Act like it!

“I might be too strung out on compliments/Overdose on confidence/Started not to give a fuck and started bearing the consequence” – Drake (Headlines)

It’s either I suffer from a serious case of self-confidence or I probably overdosed on all the positive affirmations my mother showered on me as a child or being forced to thrive in environments where just being good was never enough (you had to be great) did a number on me.

I regularly see people talk about impostor syndrome and I understand.

The hardest thing is standing in front of a group of people to defend yourself or your work.

There’s a long history of technically adept creatives who have had to employ the services of sales and marketing experts just to help them communicate.

This is not to say that communication experts haven’t earned their merit. Or public relations and talking to people is a walk in the park. Far from it!

But too many people are unable to communicate, not because they don’t know what to say (they always they claim they don’t), but because they are insecure.

They are too wrapped up in themselves and the probability of failure and so they’d rather swallow whatever it is they have on their minds than spew it so others can judge.

Many absolutely qualified people get into a room and are scared to death to defend themselves.

I remember getting a call in 2019 to teach Spanish. It was a recommendation by a bosom friend to an acquaintance.

The only Spanish I knew was off Duolingo, Google Translate and checking random words on the Internet. Even the strength of his recommendation was based on seeing me practice it leisurely during our final years in university.

I was stuttering and sounded so unsure of myself while talking to the lady who needed my services. Until she asked me, “can you really do it?”

I knew it was now or never and I had to catch myself and reply in my most confident and reassuring voice: Yes, of course!

But I didn’t think I was great. I actually said yes for two reasons:

1. I knew I was good. Maybe not good enough. But if someone thought I was good enough to earn their recommendation, then there was room for improvement.

2. I was willing to work hard to not let myself or my friend down. Which means I knew I had to improve.

Above all, when asked for what I’d be charging, I quoted a price that reflected some level of expertise.

Saying that particular yes opened a whole vista of opportunities for me. I wonder what my life would be like today if I hadn’t.

All the amazing people I’ve met on that journey. The amazing experiences too.

Not a very popular quote by any means, but Dr Pfeffer says, “If you are good enough to get in, you obviously have enough talent to do well, regardless.”

Although there’s a very small caveat to the above quote: You have enough talent, yes. And that’s why you got in.

But, talent is never enough.

Which means you’ll be needing more or less of whatever brought you this far to sustain you. That’s where smart decisions, work ethic, collaboration etc, come in.

I tell myself the same thing I tell myself whenever I’m approaching a woman: She’s probably as shy and insecure as you are.

There’s no need to have a Cinderella in glass slippers moment and flee.

Tell yourself this same thing when you stare at opportunities in the face: She (opportunity) is probably as shy and insecure as you are. So, why not?

If for any reason you’ve been invited to any room, then assure yourself you absolutely have every goddamn right to be there. Goddammit!

I’m tryna do it all tonight/I got plans I got a certain lust for life, and as it stands/Everything is going as right as it can/They tryna shoot down my flight, before it lands – Drake (Lust For Life)

Compromise

A most beautiful word.

Also, a most confusing.

Say it under certain conditions and the idea will be a stance of resignation and giving up.

Say it under certain circumstances and the idea will be a corruption of the soul.

But many people miss the idea of how important compromises are…under certain situations.

To achieve anything meaningful in life, there has to be a room for compromise.

Business, relationships, politics, and the entire mosaic of human existence.

Compromise.

A beautiful word.

Also, a most confusing.

“Do you even remember what the issue is/ You just trying to find where the tissue is/ You can still be who you wish you is/ It ain’t happen yet/ And that’s what the intuition is/” – Kanye West (I Wonder)

It’s 3 am and I’m wearing an oversized Polo Ralph Lauren shirt, cooking spaghetti and listening to Labi Siffre and Billy Joel.

Five months ago, I was sitting in a danfo with tears in my eyes and listening to this same songs.

I was battling an eviction notice.

What’s funny was after bawling my eyes out, I got home and drank about half a bottle of red wine I’d been gifted at work with a big loaf of brown bread (very Italian Mafia, I know) while playing a slew of love songs.

The combination of alcohol, gluten and sweet nothings was somehow enough to numb the pain.

I won’t really advise anyone to try this because instead of waking up the next day with a clearer head, I woke up and wolfed down what was left from the night before. Bread and wine together.

I casually made a joke that morning about having a drinking problem which made a friend laugh so hard.

But at that moment I somehow understood how people’s lives spiral downwards while they sink deeper and deeper into depression and alcohol and substance abuse.

Not sure anybody starts out wanting to be an alcoholic or a drug addict. Life just happens.

You try so hard to escape from your problems, but the truth is life is just one long series of problems. You are either in one, getting out of one or about to enter one.

And so it’s easy to be melancholic and throw in towel when it feels overwhelming. But what’s funnier is if you find some way to hold on, it always gets better.

But you’ll always have new problems.

Today might be tuition or rent. Tomorrow might be stubborn kids or a cheating spouse. It never ends.

Yesterday, I heard someone I admire so much telling his story about how he went from living in a house without windows and doors to buying the place.

But I’m also sure he has some new problems that aren’t related to shelter.

I don’t either.

And that’s why five months later I’m lounging in my house and about to eat my world-class spaghetti. I’ve got a shit ton of work to do, newer problems that need my attention, responsibilities, dreams to birth to reality, and a life to live.

Today is not Sunday and I have no idea why I’m writing this, but I just thought I should tell you that whatever it is you are going through, it always gets better. Always, always.

And stay away from drugs, kids. And drinking half a bottle of red wine.